When I had thrust the great world unnoticed behind the bars of my office habit I developed in me the belief that I was indispensable. Of the many means by which Nature exacts work from man, this pride is one of the most efficient.
Those who work for money, work only to the extent of their wages, up to a definite point, beyond which they would count it a loss to work. But those whose pride impels them to work, they have no rest; even over-time work is not felt as a loss by them.
So busy used I to be under the belief that I was indispensable, that I hardly dared to wink. My doctor now and again would warn me, saying: “Stop, take it easy.” But I would reply: “How will things go on if I stop?” Just then my health failed me, the wheels of my car broke down and it came to a stop beneath this window.
From here I looked out upon the limitless space. There I saw whirling the numberless flashing wheels of the triumphal chariot of time – no dust raised, no din, not even a scratch left on the roadway.
On a sudden I came to myself. I clearly perceived that things could get along without me. There was no sign that those wheels would stop, or drag the least bit, for lack of anyone in particular.
But is this to be admitted so easily as all that! Even if I admit it in words, my mind refuses assent. If it be really quite the same whether I go or stay, how then did my pride of self find a place in the universe, even for a moment?
On what could it have taken its stand? Amidst all the plentifulness with which space and time are teeming, it was nevertheless not possible to leave out this self of mine. The fact that I am indispensable is proved by the fact that I am.
Egoism is the price paid for the fact of existence. So long as I realize this price within me, so long do I steadfastly bear all the pains and penalties of keeping myself in existence. That is why the Buddhists have it, that to destroy egoism is to cut at the root of existence: for, without the pride of self it ceases to be worthwhile to exist.
However that may be, this price has been furnished from some fund or other – in other words, it matters somewhere that I should be, and the price paid is the measure of how much it matters.
The whole universe – every molecule and atom of it – is assisting this desire that I should be. And it is the glory of this desire which is manifest in my pride of self. By virtue of this glory this infinitesimal “I” is not lower than any other thing in this Universe, in measure or value.
Man has viewed the desire in him to be in two different ways. Some have held it to be an impulse of Creative Power, some a joyous self-expression of Creative Love. And man sets before himself different goals as the object of his life according as he views the fact of his being as the revealment of Force or of Love.
The value which our entity receives from Power is quite different in its aspect from that which it receives from Love. The direction in which we are impelled by our pride, in the field of power, is the opposite of that given by our pride, in the field of Love.
Man grows gigantic by the appropriation of everything for himself: he attains harmony by giving himself up. In this harmony is peace.
Excerpted from Thought Relics, 1921. The 153rd birth anniversary of Rabindranath Tagore is being observed on May 7.
Rabindranath Tagore
