Oh, what meaning this word holds!
Used to define an end product of a learning stage, where after, one enters the workforce…Now the term is used for transitioning from the preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school. When I saw little kids “graduating” from preschool and kindergarten, replete in tiny caps and gowns, I thought, surely this must be a prank. This myth was dispelled as I saw grandmothers weeping with joy while being photographed with the “graduates”…I shook my head, and thought…”only in the US of A”.
The elementary school end took me by total surprise, at the realization that the years of protected, sheltered nurturing in a smaller campus with fewer teachers was ending, and a new one where the kids get to spread their wings was starting. The ceremony, aptly called ‘Promotion” became emotional, when I found myself, quietly and surreptitiously wiping away a tear or two. I can see how that would affect most people, if it were the school the kids attended for all of seven years. Childhood, and neighborhood friendships, between kids, parents and teachers were nurtured and flourished.
The middle school promotion appeared more like a blimp in the real goal to getting to the all important high school. By now, the kids are a bit more mature, a bit less naive, and eager to be cast in the role of hormone kicking adolescent high schoolers. The parents dreaded the high school years for the same reasons that the kids loved them.
Tortuous journey
The journey of the high school is one of the most tortuous, long, eagerly anticipated, grudgingly endured, and thankfully finished one for the American teenager. Talk to any parent of a high schooler and you get a mixed bag of emotions. From eager anticipation to daily grind and drudgery to bursts of excitement and motivation with school plays, debates, other extra curricular activities. Suddenly the growing up process has kicked in high gear.
Most identify with the comic strip “Zits” that appears as a daily cartoon in the newspaper, and while we laugh every morning at his antics, we cringe at the same ones in our own households. I guess, it is funnier to read about your life than to live it!
Navigating the high school years is a test as much for the parents, as it is for the student. Holding their hands as they traverse the high school corridors, trying to find their lockers; holding our breath as they move through benchmark projects and face the trials and tribulations of daily schedules, when, by the end of the term, one day, they learn to drive!
Holding our heads high as they leave all that behind in search of greener pastures, to make their dreams a reality. We hope and pray that we have done our jobs right, as the last bastion is crossed, and the baby is fleeing the nest. It is a scary thought that the helpless adorable one we once held in our embrace moments after birth, is now old enough to fend for himself and does not need us to watch over him as studiously as we have done till now.
Best intentions
The only consolation at this enormous responsibility is that every parent comes from a place of love, and is the only person who always has the best intentions for the child. The parent provides unconditional love, and hopes that would gloss over the many parenting mistakes. The child does not always see, understand or acknowledge all of the sacrifice and care and grey hairs, until much later, sometimes, when it is too late. But that is a rite of passage.
In this country, the high school graduation is a stand-in for the end of study, college graduation in other countries, including India, as far as family participation and celebration is concerned. This is the last Hurrah for celebrating a childhood, for teenage angst over girl/boyfriend issues, and pimples in the wrong places at the wrong times, for silly midnight calls and spins in the car after the all important driver’s license is acquired. Some of those things will recede in the memory banks, as new ones in new environments will be made.
Not so young, not so old
The family and friends gather to congratulate and wish the young “graduate” all success in future endeavors. Much laughter and hugs follow with the parents beaming with pride and joy. Silently too, the tears gather at the corner of the eyes when parents and grandparents become suddenly unsure of how to treat this moment, or, how to treat the young one who is not so young any more, and, not quite as old yet. In some ways, nothing really changes for the parents left behind in their empty nest, except for the daily routines of school, and of course, the deafeningly quiet living spaces, and refrigerators that now take days to empty out.
In their hearts, they have the same anxieties, fears and hope for their child that they did on the first day of kindergarten. Only now, the kid has exchanged the Spiderman backpack and the lunch box for a duffle bag stuffed with dark clothing and heavy books and all types of wired gadgets.
In his heart too is the same anxiety of being the new kid on the block, but now as he leaves home for the last time as a child, his shoulders are straighter, his step more self-assured, his gaze more steady, and his smile more confident. The embrace is fierce with each trying to reassure the other, and then he walks away, only to look back, and quickly looks away, as he too wipes a lone tear surreptitiously from the corner of the eye, just as his parents do.
One day, the grown up college graduate shall return, with dreams of ending world hunger, curing cancer and inventing new gadgets or starting revolutionary companies in a grown up world. Some will do so, and others will try. We will love them forever, no matter how they fare in the world, because they are still our babies. Hopefully, we will continue to see endearing reminders of our adorable babies in the new grown up.
All my graduating children….I wish you all the success and joy. You make us very proud.
Archana Asthana
